Some Levity

"MARRIAGE BANNED FOR ALL MORMONS"*
The Associative Press

Yesterday in an historic and unprecedented move by the state of California, voters elected to end Mormon marriage. The proposition was passing by a narrow margin of 3% at the time this went to press.

"Clearly this is a victory for all Christians," stated John Pintofart, president of the Mormons Ain't Christians Coalition (MACC). "Everyone knows that God created marriage for a man and a woman," John quipped, "but the god of the Mormons ain't OUR God. Their god didn't even get made up until 54 years after the United States Constitution. To say the least, we are outraged by the demands of Mormons wanting the same marriage benefits as bona fide Christians."

And he doesn't stop there. "Everyone knows that God wrote the United States Constitution. Those Mormons can't just come along and make up a new religion and expect to have the same benefits under the law as Christian marriage."

Officals at LDS headquarters in Salt Lake City, Utah did not answer our calls. Instead, they released the following statement. "These are challenging times, for sure. We're just so appreciative and so grateful for our our Heavenly Father and his angels that teach us to treat everyone with compassion. We're just so compassionate and loving. It is disappointing people would treat us this way, even though we are so nice. It's not fair. Still, we will continue to assimilate all cultures on planet Earth, space, and beyond."

While attempting to reach MACC a second time we discovered their phone was disconnected and their headquarters in California had burned to the ground. Following an anonymous tip, we found John Doe undergoing electro-shock therapy at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. He was unable to comment any further.

* This is a fake article